What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
