she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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