I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize