; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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