I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
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SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
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Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize