Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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