why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
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we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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