I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
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