I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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