I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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