god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
