Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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