I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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