is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
