i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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