This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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