I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Mom said you looked used
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
