why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
