i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
A bitchslap is in order.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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