apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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