matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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