The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
