yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
