he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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