Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
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It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
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So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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