Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
