Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
