yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize