he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
