1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You need a sexual gate keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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