I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
