Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
