chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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