You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Less talking, more tequila
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
