I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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