did you get engaged???
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
