the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
