Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
