I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
