Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
