I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
