Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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