Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
