shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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