maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
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Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
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Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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