I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
