I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
