Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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