you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
