Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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