Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
