Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
