Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
