Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
