If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
