The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
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It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
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I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga