"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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