It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
