his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You left your phone here
Wait...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
