therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Terrible idea I love it
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
