She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
