Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
