so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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