you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
